Five boroughs and beyond
The city itself is five boroughs, but the region stretches much further. Hoboken and Jersey City sit across the Hudson, Long Island runs east for more than a hundred miles, and Westchester and Connecticut lie to the north. Many couples who say they live in New York actually live in the suburbs and come into the city for an evening out.
Distances look short on a map but can take a long time in practice. A trip from the far end of Queens to the Upper West Side can easily take an hour. Start your search with a radius that covers your own borough or town and Manhattan, then adjust once you know what journeys you are happy to make on a weeknight.
Getting around
The subway runs around the clock, which makes late dates easier than in most American cities. PATH trains link Manhattan with Hoboken, Jersey City and Newark, the Long Island Rail Road runs from Penn Station and Grand Central Madison, Metro-North serves Westchester and Connecticut from Grand Central, and NJ Transit covers much of New Jersey.
Late at night, trains run less often, so check the schedule if you live outside the city. Cabs and ride-hailing apps are everywhere, and many couples agree in advance to take a car home rather than wait on a cold platform.
Neighborhoods for a first drink
The West Village has small wine bars and restaurants on quiet, tree-lined streets, and it is a classic choice for a first date. The Lower East Side and the East Village have cocktail bars of every kind, though they get loud late on weekends. Hotel bars in Midtown and around Union Square are good neutral ground, especially for people coming in from the suburbs.
In Brooklyn, Williamsburg, Park Slope and Carroll Gardens all have relaxed bars and restaurants. Astoria and Long Island City in Queens are good options too, and Hoboken works well if one of you is coming from New Jersey. Pick a place where you can hear each other, and remember that everyone needs to be 21 to drink.
Staying discreet in a crowded city
New York's anonymity is a real advantage, but it is still possible to bump into a coworker in a bar on the other side of town. Choose a neighborhood you rarely visit, use a username that has nothing to do with your real name, and keep face photos private until you trust someone.
On Swingers Dates, other members see only a general area, never your exact address, private photos stay hidden until you share them, and explicit pictures are blurred until a viewer opts in. If someone pushes to move to another app too early, a prompt reminds you to take care. Our safety guide explains how to check a profile is genuine and how to report a problem.
Sexual health in New York
New York City's health department runs sexual health clinics across the five boroughs, offering confidential testing and treatment, and many private clinics and pharmacies offer testing too. The CDC's testing locator helps you find services near your ZIP code, whether you live in the city or the suburbs. Talking about recent tests before you meet someone new is normal in the lifestyle.
Agreeing the plan
A clear conversation in messages makes the first meeting much easier. Explain what you are each hoping for, whether that is simply a drink and a chat for now or something more later, and say plainly what is off the table. If the terms are new to you, our article on soft swap and full swap explains what each usually means.
As a couple, agree a signal for leaving early and a time to check in with each other. A short video call before the date, or swapping a recent photo privately, helps everyone recognize each other on a busy street.
Weekends away from the city
When you want a change of scene, the Hudson Valley, the Catskills and the North Fork of Long Island all have inns, wineries and restaurants within a couple of hours. The Jersey Shore and the Hamptons are popular in summer, and Philadelphia is only about an hour and a half away by train.
A weekend away is a good way to take things slowly with a couple you already like, and it keeps you well away from anyone you know. Book separate rooms if you prefer, and keep the plans flexible.
Visiting New York
Millions of people visit New York every year, and plenty of couples in the lifestyle like to arrange a date while they are in town. If you are visiting, set your search area to Manhattan or the borough where you are staying, and start conversations a week or two before you arrive. Hotel bars near where you are staying make easy meeting places.
If you live in the city and your match is visiting, offer to meet near their hotel so they do not have to navigate the subway late at night.
Clubs, parties and private meets
New York has a long history of lifestyle parties and clubs in the city and the surrounding states, and some couples enjoy them. Others prefer private meets with one couple or single at a time, arranged after getting to know each other. Swingers Dates is built for private dates. Our article on swinger clubs and online dating compares the two approaches.
Who you might meet
Members around New York include experienced couples, couples taking their first steps, and single women and men hoping to meet a couple. Profiles change every day, so the best way to see who is nearby is to create your own and search by distance, age and profile type. For more on the US, see our US overview and our roundup of US swinger sites.
Frequently asked questions
Can I meet swingers in New Jersey and Long Island too?
Yes. Members are spread across the five boroughs, New Jersey, Long Island, Westchester and Connecticut. Set your search radius to match how far you are happy to travel.
Where in New York suits a first swinger date?
A quiet wine bar in the West Village, a hotel bar in Midtown or a relaxed spot in Williamsburg or Hoboken all work well. Choose somewhere you are not regulars.
Can I get to a date in New York without a car?
Yes. The subway runs around the clock, and PATH, the Long Island Rail Road, Metro-North and NJ Transit link the suburbs with Manhattan. Check late-night schedules before you head out.
How do I keep a swinger date in New York private?
Meet in a neighborhood you rarely visit, use a username and photos that cannot be traced to you, and share personal details only once you trust someone.
Who can use Swingers Dates in New York?
Couples and single women and men, whether experienced or new to the lifestyle. Members must be 18 or over, and everyone needs to be 21 to drink in a bar.